To Whom It May Concern

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I will never understand why Nigerian men think women should not have standards or a particular taste in men. I mean, everyone has their taste in food, fashion as well as taste in the opposite sex. An average man has a list of 5 million things his woman must possess: Must cook like Nigella Lawson, must have a stripper alter ego, must twerk like Amber Rose but must be classy like Gabriella Union, must be slim but must have huge bum and breast… I can’t list all 5 million. When a girl like me just wants a guy who can speak English without blowing off the roof with Gbagaun, I have become picky and will be sentenced to remaining single for a long time eh! download (1)

The moment you communicate that they are not what you want they flare up like they are some good for everyone pill. I am even going to say the forbidden. It’s even worse for us ‘big girls’, they think because you pack some extra pounds all of a sudden the part of your brain that wants the best for you is deactivated. If it’s by weight why settle for an ignoramus when you can lose some damn weight?

While some girls do not mind marrying a man who’s uncultured and uneducated, who speaks with less than no eloquence and chews with his mouth open but has a fat ass bank account, a big heart, a great smile and probably because another side of this man appeals to them. My point is everyone has the right to be with whomever they want for whatever reason; To each his own.

Generally, I am cool until a guy begins to get rude because I don’t like his weird, not eloquent drunkard self and begins to sound like he’s threatening me: then my people, there is problem. This post is inspired by a personal experience and a phone call I overheard at work.(I don’t go around eves dropping o ths just happened) I heard a girl say no I don’t like you and the guys next question is “why? Am I not handsome enough”?

My own experience was more like; we met at my Bestie’s wedding. I was so busy that when he asked me for my number I gave it so I could get back to my life. Fast forward to Lagos he calls me up and I agree to a date. He arrives smelling like alcohol and we were to order drinks and he asks for a bottle of vodka at this point I’m sure he’s not the one.

At another time, he says I’m too confident and he would like to change me, also said he wants to marry me so he can tame me. I was disgusted but I did not flare up. I simply said lose my number and I deleted his from my phone.  This brings me to the event that happened last night.

I receive a whatsapp message and it turns out it was him. I reply out of courtesy and he proceeds to say he’s been thinking and he’s sure he wants to be with me, I reply humbly “saying I’m very sure that you are not the one I want, I know what I want and you are not it, so please go away you will find your person.” Dude said something like “I’m not begging you, don’t ever say such stuff to a man bla bla” I’m sure he knows he’s dead to me after such drama.

My major issue is this: why do men feel like they are every woman’s dream? The fact that you posses a penis do not make you a man it only categorizes you as part of the male specie of humans. Dogs, goats and cats have penis’s too so please slow your roll!

Hello friends, please let me know what you think, leave your comments and reply in the comments box. I always love to read from you! Remember your comments make me happy!

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12 thoughts on “To Whom It May Concern

    1. Yes. Thank you Toyin for understanding where i’m coming from. its not a matter of anger but just outlining things that go on in society using personal experiences.

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  1. Lol…I can imagine how bitter u were typing this article…I don’t think every guy sees it as doing a lady a favour by marrying her or even dating her…at least that’s how I personally feel…fast forward to ur wedding friend…u just happened to have met one of d few assholes…No apologies n we meet these pple every oya day…so take it as one of those days n florish on… #TeamWeLoveThemBig

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    1. Well, i was and still am not bitter about it. its what a lo of women think about. i am just helping by being their voice. Thanks Odion for stopping by. please do come again.

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  2. I totally get this and it can be soooo annoying at the same time I think women too also have a million and one things on their ‘list’ and can even be more complicated, that’s the only part I don’t quite agree with.

    Its unfortunate that people still feel that they are doing a woman a favour by being with her. It’s 2015!! They NEED to wake up.

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  3. I literally laughed my ass off reading this. I always say it’s not about settling for more or less, as long as the word “settle for” is in question one should know he/she deserves more….most people confuse settling “down” and settling “for”…let’s just say men (those weird ones thinking they are doing us a favour) hate when we know our worth and aim to settle “down” not “for”. However, we cant blame them, some ladies out there show so much desperation that men actually think they are doing us a favour. Either way know your worth and never compromise…Good work @Supremelikeme 🙂

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  4. I understand your point of view, but not very man (reasonable ones with “integrity”) reason or behave that way. I would like to point out to some vital things found missing in your write up. Though you said from your point of view, but from the comments, I noticed that more ladies are having the same opinion. I would not ask you why or nail anyone for her individual or generalized opinion. But let us attend to this from another side (from another point of view). You have what you have enlisted that “your kind of man” must possess; that’s where the problems come in. You’ll ask me why; the reason is “there may never be one person that’ll absolutely satisfy your criteria – in essence no one is perfect (I may be wrong, you’re free to correct me but while you’re correcting that notion, you should also show me the perfect one you’ve ever met or seen). I earlier said “I understand” your point of view, although I choose to see the context in different manner.

    Now instead of listing a million thing you want in your kind of man, why not the limited things he must not possess. I think this would make life easy for all of us (male and female). If I say I cant marry a liar and someone that lacks the fear of God; Obviously it means I am looking for a strong integrity. To lack the “fear of God” means several several things. In fact hardly would you see anyone in our world that wouldn’t fall short of that standard- “the fear of God” or that is free from lies.

    Secondly, while writing out “the limited donts” that your man mustn’t possess, one should learn to give people time to change and the “benefits of the doubt”. An adage says, “theres no saint without past (dirty past I mean) and no satan without future (possibility of becoming a saint)”. Which means one should always try to manage sutuation over time (limted or long, that depends on individual).

    Thirdly, if a lady can build up her “integrity” both in the presence of her man and in his absence, in such a way that such man would be able to beat his chest for the lady anywhere, then that man would never have such feelings. Any man would never feel that they are doing a woman a favour by marrying her unless such lady has lost her integrity; unless a man that is full of empty ego.

    Finally, my advice is let each one of us respect our individual self (in actions, in talks, in attitudes, in decisions…); and don’t forget there are always observers around. Be it those who know you or passive observer. I hope I wouldn’t offend anyone for my opinions. Thank you.

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    1. Thank you Hola for reading and commenting. this is a platform to share opinions on daily life etc. your point of view is very welcome. please do come back.

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  5. Lol.. Well not all of us feel this way. But I understand where you are coming from. I do not think all men believe they are a woman’s dream. I’m sure women also feel that way sometimes too and may I add that it’s not bad to be picky. Men have a lot to learn when it comes to how they relate with ladies. The earlier we realise this, the better for us.

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