HOW TO BE A LAGOS COOL KID

MANHATTAN

Imagine a ladder that has three steps, on the step below are regular Lagos people, on the next step, more regular people and then at the very top are the Lagos cool kids. This is where you should aim to be and this blog post will teach just how to get there.

If you live in Lagos Nigeria, or you’ve heard about this city, you should know of the existence of the Lagos cool kids. This generally includes the ‘I just got back’ and the ‘we dey there’ ones

So I’m sure at this point, we are all familiar with the term, “I Just got back”.  If not, this is a slang for young people in Lagos most of which probably just got back from some country abroad where they acquired their degree along with a fancy accent.

It might be worth mentioning that some of these ‘I Just Got Backs’ might have just gotten back from Ojuelegba or never even smelt an airport before…but I’m not going to focus on this group of people today. I’m just here trying to help your life; so, make yourself a cuppa and read up on how to be a Lagos Cool Kid.

  • Own a pair of Ankara shorts, blazers, etc: Show that although you’ve been abroad you haven’t forgotten your roots. Let the heathen know that you are still very proud of your heritage.
  • Ditch relaxers and grow your natural hair: Which would then automatically mean you should like spoken word poetry: If you haven’t noticed, relaxed hair is no longer in vogue. So transition, get a haircut… buy coconut oil, carrot oil, avocado oil, olive oil, Maggi oil, look, just find some oil, damnit! Let me just tell you, in this Lagos if you’re still using relaxer you are not cool.
  • Have an accent: any works here. You may have gone to school in South Africa, but brethren, please feel free to return with an American accent.  If not, just insert ‘r’ in between words and sentences. Accent achieved!
  • Own a professional camera and take random still photos in black and white: I don’t even need to explain this one to you. If you want to be a Lagos cool kid, you need a Canon DSLR camera probably the 70D. Then post random pictures with a few cool hashtags #PersonalShots #Homeishome #Africaarise
  • Be a snob: This is the most important commandment with a promise! How dare ordinary Nigerians who probably haven’t been to the airport talk to you! How dare they? Mere mortals; please snob them and only talk to people with some form of ‘I just got back’ vibe.
  • Attend all stage plays: just do it! Attend everything and anything that shows at Terrakulture. Please National Theatre is too razz! Iganmu? What’s that?
  • Have lunch dates with friends regularly: Instead of visiting your friends and relatives the plain old African way, please invite them to a 7,000 naira per head lunch date. Don’t be razz please!
  • Attend! I repeat, attend Afropolitan Vibes every third Friday of the month. I don’t need to explain this to you, it’s simple. Afropolitan Vibes = Lagos cool kid

I’m not even shitting you right now, include the above in your activities and watch yourself become a Lagos cool kid.

This is the gospel… According to Larz

Background Image is from seachnigeria.net

Text in image from Canva.com

This post is a collaboration with Foladele of Pop Central TV

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19 thoughts on “HOW TO BE A LAGOS COOL KID

  1. Hehe he. Larz this is hilarious and true though. I am an average because I still carry my relaxed hair (hubby doesn’t like the natural hair yet) and I am too busy shouting stop stop sit down….at home that the accent I am managing to put together is not forming well. Great write up dear.

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  2. Loooools…. this shi rai hi’er is darn funny. Wol up,wol up Larz is tell’n u sam’fin…… gawd I don laugh Taya. Dah was me tryn’a cash up toh be a lasgidi cool shi’t. E ni pa mi! I love it, beautiful write up Larz pls keep it up! Wol up! One love. … I just goh Beck from Ghana. Loooool.

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  3. Lol @ “Maggi oil” Larz, you are hilarious.

    I am so not chopping of my relaxed tresses, bar that and minus the accent and ankara ensemble, I am on my way to achieving pseudo cool kid status, not quite 100%, but still satisfactory nonetheless. XD

    Like

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