I promised open, honest to God conversations this month and I am delivering on that promise. Today we shall explore the average Nigerian woman’s sexuality. I did a bit of a digging and found out that Nigerian women hold back from sexual activity until they are begged, cajoled or bribed in order to save themselves from feeling cheap or easy.
This is how I feel about this; you are doing yourself a disservice. You are grown and you should be able to enjoy sexual encounters without being a tool for male satisfaction both in marriage and otherwise.
Now, you may choose to be celibate and you may choose not to be, this is totally at your discretion. I have my personal beliefs on this issue but this is not a religion class. The message in this blog post is to encourage you to own your sexuality and rise above the barriers placed on female sexuality in Africa.
You = 20 men body count but he worked for it! In fact I didn’t give him till he begged etc
That girl = 20 men body count, had fun doing it, properly consented and no feelings of resentment etc
If HOE = 20 men body count
Both you and that girl = HOE
Sorry, it’s just simple math!
Now we know that the average Nigerian is a hypocrite and has a false sense of piousness. We also know that every day thousands of children are born by both married and single people. We also know that baby mama/daddy dramaSHIP is on the rise, unmarried people get pregnant, have their children and life moves on. Yet, Nigerians would love to claim that they do not have sex.
Please how are these babies manufactured? We know the land is fertile and God is good but babies don’t just happen.
I have traced the false sense of sanctity to the lack of sex education.
As Nigerian children, we got our school fees paid, we got our pocket monies as and when due, our parents made sure we had financial security and a reasonable level of safety from harm was provided.
However, they failed when it came to sex and gender education. I am sure if I were to take a poll, the sex education most of us received sounds like; “you will get pregnant if a boy touches you. “You want to be a prostitute abi? Men will just useless you” and the other variants depending on your geographical and social location.
Boys found out what’s up quickly. They get wet dreams and the usual morning wood so they became aware of the craziness that is the human body. Girls on the other hand found the need to never find out what their bodies were about. The workings of the female anatomy and sexuality are seen as taboo, a topic that must not be discussed. This culture of silence on female sexuality has greatly encouraged pedophilia and other evils perpetrated on children. Girls are made to feel dirty for having sexual urges and made to think that ignoring your body makes you holy in some way.
This mess of a society has made our women into prudes who cannot enjoy sexual encounters with their partners. It has made our women see sex as a service to their men. It has put us in a position where women see sex as either a weapon or as a tool of leverage. My actual pain is the fact that girls think they should be begged, cajoled and bribed before they take what’s theirs. It is your body and you must be unapologetic about the decisions you make.
It’s no news that an average Nigerian man does not understand sexual consent and we can partly blame this on the women. Why say no when you mean yes? Why say yes when you mean no? It is your body, you are the chief of army staff of that gorgeous body and you must be confident enough to consent to sexual encounters or refrain from same. You are not a tool meant for masculine satisfaction, you are a woman who has her own needs and strengths and you must be confident.
My message to you is that you must own your sexuality. Be in charge of your body. If for some reason you have chosen to practice celibacy, be proud of that fact, you do not owe anyone an explanation as to why you do what you do. Be secure in your own person. If you have chosen to sow your royal oats make sure that you are not being robbed of your consent.
Be confident, be amazing, live your life.
According to Larz