how to sooth menstrual cramps

Menstrual cramps aren’t fun.  Cramps and the drama that comes with periods in general are not things that I like to joke about.

Ok, I’ll just confess, ADULTING is generally painful and when I see my electricity meter turn orange, I literally start to hyperventilate.

I am not particularly responsible about my period so I usually do not know when it’s coming.

I woke up around 3 am today with my lower abdomen and back in a mess. It literally felt like my uterus wanted to come out through my mouth! The pain ravaging my body felt like someone was trying to saw off my waist from the other part of my body and bam! I figured the great aunty flow has come!

Chai! I think I used about a thousand curse words to describe my pain and then I reached for my appropriate gear.  About an hour later I popped some pain killers and tried to sleep, I had little success with that.

I normally would wear a dress to relieve the pressure around my stomach but today, the devil won.  I opted for a pair of trousers and a top! Well, we all make mistakes. This was obviously a mistake because as I type this not only is my fly open but my trouser is half way off my bum! My office door is locked with strict instructions that anyone coming in must knock first.

Well, I know that I am not the only one with period drama so I decided to share some ways with which I soothe menstrual cramps. I hope this helps.

  • EXERCISE: this always helps. I have noticed that my cramps are worse this month because I have only exercised a few times. When I exercise all month, the cramps are definitely not as intense. However, all hope is not lost; you can still take on light exercises that will help you feel better. Stretching too is amazing. Exercising also helps with the mood swings.
  • PAIN MEDICATION: this does not need an explanation. Feminax or Felvin, Panadol or Tramadol, just make sure you’re safe.
  • DRINK SOME TEA/WARM WATER; I don’t know why this helps but it does. So, get yourself several cups of chamomile tea, green tea, hibiscus tea or whatever kind of tea you can lay your hands on. I have also found that adding some rated ginger to your warm water before drinking is also a great soothing agent.
  • APPLY HEAT; Put some hot water in a hot water bottle and place on your tummy, back, knees or wherever hurts. For me everything including my eyeballs hurt!
  • WEAR A DRESS NEVER TROUSERS; Larz is a lady, she has menstrual cramps but still wore a pair of trousers to work, now she’s sitting in her office with her fly open like weirdo, Larz did not try, don’t be like Larz.
  • DO THE KEGEL EXERSICE; I think everyone knows what kegel exercises are. Basically squeeze your VAG muscles together like you’re trying to hold your pee, release it and repeat. Make sure you keep doing these throughout the day. It doesn’t need any physical excursion so you can do it as many times as you’d like. Kegels reportedly has many advantages but in this situation it relieves stress around your pelvis and soothes your period cramps.

I hope  that you have found the above helpful,  these are some of the measures I take although sometimes I just pop pain killers every six hours if I am super busy and I don’t have time to nurse my womanhood.

Also, I have chosen to see this as strength and not a weakness. I have decided to not bemoan the predicament every month. However, I can’t promise you that I don’t use a thousand curse words, get super short tempered, depressed and generally become a crappy person. The most embarrassing part for me is when I get angry and flare up over nothing, I just want to take a syringe and drain my estrogen!

This post has become longer than I planned so, have a beautiful long weekend guys and make sure you celebrate the lord!

Happy Easter!

According to Larz.





  1. Our body gives us signals but we get preoccupied with other things and sometimes pay for it!

    You my friend wrote this perfectly! I think lady flo might be around the corner and I will put these tips to use especially the trouser bit, I definitely didn’t know about that and it will be a challenge as I’m a trouser girl!

    Oh and I must confess, I saw the title and I felt so good and PROUD of you ; my friend is a giver of zero fuckery( pardon my French) women menstruate so why not talk about it!
    Yo go girl!!!


  2. Awww. sorry. Unfortunately, I can’t say I feel your pain since I don’t have menstrual pain. You got me at ‘drain my estrogen’ . Maybe you will stop having pains after you have your first child. Who knows?


  3. Great tips.
    My cramps are crazy too..and sometimes I start to say my last prayers seff.lool!
    It’s terrible oooo.
    I really need a hot water bottle..drinking of hot liquid tend to reduce the contractions..I know how you feel ehn..sorry


  4. Some months I have no pains at all, some other months I have some pains. But its reduced in intensity from when I first started as a teenager (and no I don’t have any kids yet) . As a teenager the pains were crazy mehn. Thankfully its not that cray anymore. A warm/hot bath (as one can tolerate) really helps too..and prayers!


  5. Nice one!! My menstrual pain wasn’t serious until I became sexually active. Now, I go everywhere with Buscopan.
    Yes, drinking warm water/tea works. I think it melts the ‘clots’ and allows free flow which comes with less pain. Hummm, #womenpalaver


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