Hey lovelies, I am sorry I haven’t been able to put up a post this week, I have been super busy and I have had giant internet issues. I actually wrote this piece last week but couldn’t put it up until now.

This will be short. (Hopefully)

These thoughts I am about to articulate are raw, they are basically things I want to put out there and I would love feedback.

This piece was inspired by the post ‘Where are the gentle men’ on Fairygodsisterblog

Hi Chioma, I enjoyed reading your piece but it made me think and when you make me think, this is what happens.

Human beings like to have their cake and eat it too so I am not surprised that we women genuinely want to achieve economic, social and political equality and at the same time want gentle men who will open their doors and what not.

My question often to women who emphasize the issue of gentlemanly behavior is this, can you do for yourself what that man would do for you? Of course I do not speak of orgasms because those are always best when handed to you on a platter.

I am raising a question as to what are we willing to give up in achieving true equality? I wrote in an earlier POST about how the world thinks empathy and being considerate is a woman’s thing and I raised an argument that everyone male or female must be considerate and make actual efforts toward the peaceful co existence of humans. I cringe when I see another story on social media of women who go on dates with their entire families, I think they lack scruples.  I am not in opposition to dates, if a man wants to pay he is free to but I do not mind paying my part as well, no one is natures ATM.

Let me pick up my thoughts from where I left off, I do not understand a world where women in one vein pay huge prices for equality and in the next still want to maintain the status quo. Personally, I think one of the many prices we have to pay for equality is the loss or shall I say the decline of gentle men and chivalry. We need to decide what we want: Gentle men or a world where mutual respect exists and everyone enjoys their fundamental human rights. Nothing good comes easy.

I generally do not like to use personal examples but I must say that I do not mind paying for my own drinks, in fact, I do most of the time. In actual fact I enjoy opening my own doors and carrying my damn groceries if that means that I get to enjoy the same economic, political and social rights as the male folk. Some may argue that nature has thrust this upon me because I am not a “cute” woman, I don’t look fragile and I do not talk soft.(believe me, I have tried)  I look strong and almost masculine so men generally believe I can handle my own shit. So yea, I really would not miss much because I have been carrying my own groceries all my life.

Some claim that romance has been sucked out of dating because of the erosion of gender roles, I beg to differ, I think the bullshit has been sucked out of dating instead because what is the use of a man who opens the door for me, and holds my hands while I climb the stairs (What? Am I 90?)  But in actual sense, has no respect for me, has no respect for my creativity and all he secretly thinks I am useful for is sex? Or worse still the belief that you can buy me with a diamond ring. I believe that romantic relationships should be based on mutual respect, incredible friendship and love where life affords you that luxury. Personally I will romance the hell out of a man who is socially aware, witty, and intelligent, is intellectually and emotionally mature and has books I’ve never seen before.

I am not going to stay here and pretend like I do not to be cared for, it is arguably the most incredible feeling ever but we must understand that being cared for transcends sweet little nothings. I think we as human beings should invest in good character, empathy, consideration, long suffering, meekness, gentleness and self control. We should strive to be good people who are ready to help one another grow, a people who are united in their quest for peaceful co existence and stop perpetrating the cage that is gender roles.

In essence I am saying; carry your own damn groceries!

The floor is open, what is your take on gender equality, the erosion of gender roles and the decline in chivalry and gentle man behaviour.







  1. Hi Larz,

    I like the objectivity that reflects in this post. Indeed, can’t eat your cake and have it.

    If one chooses to be a feminist through and through, they’d need to accept it for the reality that it is. The full package, no half measures.

    Gender equality implies that no gender is considered less or fragile compared to the other and when it holds, if a woman still demands to enjoy the perks of chivalry, then a man is also entitled to have a woman open doors for him and even buy him roses etc.

    Like you, I’ll pick solid respect over the theatrics of chivalry any day, sometimes poetic gestures are only skin deep. 🙂

    PS: A tip, if you don’t mind, break up the larger paragraphs as makes it easier for the reader’s eyes to focus.


  2. Someone said, If women really want gender equality then they should learn to change a car tyre and not depend on a man for that, kill spiders etc.

    If i have a flat tyre I’m going to pay a mechanic (man or woman) to fix it. I don’t have to fix it myself to prove that I’m equal to a man

    Thank God for two hands – I carry my groceries myself and every other thing. When on a date, I insist on paying for my meal.

    If a guy wants to be nice that’s his prerogative. I don’t require it. Mutual respect is all i need.


  3. I agree completely. You can’t eat your cake and have it. All these clamour for equality is because of how bad men have treated women. Believe me, the women who have their men right don’t clamour for these things because they are treated like jewels and roles are clearly defined without any form of oppression.

    The strings that connect Everyone


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