I was on the bus this morning and the following conversation happened between me and the bus conductor. I was in a particularly troublesome mood hence my choice of the English language.

Me: may I have my 100 Naira change please?

Conductor: (Grunts) Elo lo fun mi? (How much did you give me?)

Me: 200 Naira abi is the fare not 100?

Conductor: Ogbadun, To ba fe change e wa so Yoruba… oyinbo oshi ni ko ma so nibe (If you really need your change you will speak to me in Yoruba you’re not ready)

A few minutes later, I was almost at my stop so I called his attention; still speaking in English, he said elo ni change e? (How much is your change?) I replied 100 naira he looked at me and calmly gave me my balance. Then I started to think. Why did he throw a tantrum earlier? Why did I not get angry at his pseudo insults and ramblings then I realized I have become one of them. This inspired me to make a list of things public transport will teach you.

  • You are smaller than you think: ok, I am a UK size 18 with an ample bum but that doesn’t stop me from fitting in a 4 per row system. In fact, there was a day I was going to get on a bus and I saw the space after the size 22 woman, the size 10 lady and the other man had shifted, it was so tiny like what I will fit my little niece into but I took the step of faith and climbed onto the bus, I lowered my bum into the seat it fit! Public transport gives you the power to shrink! Let me just tell you.


  • You are more patient than you think: This is the most baffling part of public transport for me. I am not particularly short tempered but I consider myself a bit sensitive to words. There are times that I have killed, dismembered and roasted some conductors in my mind but on the surface I just smile and say you must be crazy or something, I mostly keep my reaction calm. Ok! I must tell you of this incident. A while ago, a conductor chose to flirt with me! ME! With my three degrees!!! He kept making weird remarks and I ignored him and kept looking into my phone. After a while, he said, “ahh, you can’t even answer, upon say you fat”.

Of course I wanted to go all out and se were (go to town on his ass) but then I asked myself, do I really want to get into it with a conductor who has nothing to lose? Moral of the story: public transportation teaches you patience.


  • Everybody is your brother/sister: This irks the shit out of me. My sister abeg shift, bla bla. Some people go to the extent of touching you, some try to have a full on conversation with you and you’re just like, Baba God please pick up, I don’t want Range rover, ordinary Toyota Camry will do! I just zone off. Earphones on, eyes straight!


I have a lot to write about taking the bus  and public transport generally, for example my cab pricing skill is superb!  Would you like to know how I decide either to Uber, take a nice cab or go for the yellow cabs… hehe let me know if you want me to share my public transport chronicles.

When I officially resign from bus gang you shall hear from me. Lets pray is sooner that I am hoping!

According to Larz.



  1. Ah Larz, your sense of humour though. XD

    Experiences on Lagos roads (either via private or public transportation) will teach you patience, you will learn how to pick your battles wisely.


  2. This is such a hilarious, and the thign about the bus conductors, I just laugh, it makes them feel a bit insecure, whenever they’re being stupid. I have had great conversations with people in the bus though (sometimes, not all the time though. There was even one guy that couldn’t pay his bus fare once, someone paid for him and then next thing, he asked me for hundred naira, I gave him … and guess what? Yeah you guessed it, he still had the guts to ask for my number. I was going to spit on him and then kill him with my bare hands after, lol)



  3. Isn’t there something about the smell? The glorious odour from passengers around you? One learns to become “nose-blind” to certain scents.


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